Kitty Haiku

I can't claim authorship of these; someone, long ago, sent them to me in an email, just after I had adopted my first kitty. I think they have been floating around the Internet for a long time. Being totally new to cats and their idiosyncracies, I really enjoyed and could understand the truth of these haiku. Enjoy.

You never feed me. Perhaps I'll sleep on your face. That will sure show you. You must scratch me there! Yes, above my tail! Behold, Elevator butt. I need a new toy. Tail of black dog keeps good time. Pounce! good dog! good dog! The rule for today: Touch my tail, I shred your hand. New rule tomorrow. In deep sleep hear sound Cat vomit hairball somewhere Will find in morning Grace personified, I leap into the window. I meant to do that. Night. Now come night-mice. I chase them 'round on loud feet. You can't see them too? Blur of motion, then -- Silence, me, a paper bag. What is so funny?

The mighty hunter Returns with gifts of plump birds Your foot just squashed one You're always typing. Well, let's see you ignore my Sitting on your hands. My small cardboard box. You cannot see me if I Can just hide my head. Terrible battle. I fought for hours. Come and see! What's a 'term paper'? Kitty likes plastic Confuses for litter box Don't leave tarp around Small brave carnivores Kill pine cones and mosquitoes Fear vacuum cleaner Want to trim my claws? Don't even think about it! My yelps will wake dead.

I want to be close To you. Can I fit my head inside your armpit? Wanna go outside. Oh, shit! Help! I got outside! Let me back inside! Oh no! Big One has been trapped by newspaper! Cat to the rescue! Humans are so strange. Mine lies still in bed, then screams! My claws aren't that sharp ... Cats meow out of angst "Thumbs! If only we had thumbs! We could break so much!" Litter box not here You must have moved it again I'll crap in the sink. The Big Ones snore now Every room is dark and cold Time for "Cup Hockey" We're almost equals I purr to show I love you Want to smell my butt?